I was feeling introspective so I tracked a song on my phone. 

If any of you guys have been to our shows, you will probably know this particular track. This was the acoustic demo I shot to the guys to learn this song. It has since evolved, but I still love this version. It has always come across a little more tense than the full band version we play now. Seemingly, when I wrote this song, that was really the mood behind it. This version will always possess something even in the way I tracked it that I probably won’t be able to recreate again. I’m glad I captured this particular moment in my life in this particular manner. It stands as a reminder that my confusions and frustrations are all a part of being the man I’m involuntarily becoming. It’s a reminder that there will be decisions that I have to make that might not equate to what I, myself want. A frustrating, but understandable realization. There are decisions that are good for me to make and ones that are bad. I didn’t realize how difficult this simple life lesson was to grasp on to. I’m definitely still learning, but this song landmarks the moment I began to try.

move, not to me but move for you

breaking everyone you choose

and crying every time you lose

need, it isn’t bad to want something

need it so bad you can’t breathe

I need you so bad I can’t breathe

waking up at random times

stirring in the midnight mind

love inside a frame, disguised

needing you because I want to

stir, I seperate when you are near

nobody ever told me that I

I’m gonna be alone here

I’m never one to search for favors but

God, you know. 

I seem to feel alone. It seems I’m not at home

I’m never one to throw the cards I have to the ground

I bet into my hand, until I’m taken down.

I found this track in my iTunes library after being reminded by a friend that it existed. I was involved with a little project we dubbed Satellites and this was one of the 3 songs we had written and demoed. This song went through many changed, but the main groundwork is there.

For some strange reason, my writing has always been fixated on the topic of sleep. Sometimes my brain won’t rev down and I end up either losing sleep, or I end up having ridiculously vivid dreams. This song in particular is about a series of dreams I had where I’d been standing on unknown coasts observing the ocean and terrain. Out of place mountains, out of scale spires of stone and waves bursting against coastal buildings… Needless to say each one was very weird in it’s own way. I remember one of the places I was in was welcoming and almost felt like a place I’d vacation to. Another scene I remember visiting was rock, overcast, and almost miserable feeling.

These dreams seemed reoccurring, but each one was very different. I honestly have no clue what they could have meant. Hell, they could have meant nothing. But they were very interesting to me nonetheless. Hence why I wrote a song about it. When I first heard the initial voicing for this song, the first topic for writing that popped in my head were these dreams I was having. The delayed/ambient guitars gave me a drifting feeling, like I’d been submerged under water. The floating and intermittent business of the rhythm section instantly reminded me of a similar feeling I’d experienced when I was surfing (getting my ass kicked by a very vicious mother nature) with a buddy of mine.

All in all, I love the depth of this song and I enjoyed spending a lot of time lyrically on this one. It isn’t much, but the meanings behind it and the writing process that resulted in this song makes it something I’m proud to be a part of.

I’m excited to play this song with the guys. This is a rough preview of some of the stuff I’ve been working on for our next set of recordings. This song is called Ghosts.

The theme behind this particular song is mainly growth. I’ve gone through an interesting year and this song basically lays out how I’ve been digesting all the new life lessons that have been thrown at me up until this point. I also talk about things I know I simply can’t grow out of. Things that, for the time being, I’m gripping onto. Settling with the fact that sometimes, though we might want to learn from something, kick a habit, or break a part of our routine off that we might think is bringing us down, you simply can’t at the stage you’re at. In a nutshell, learning how to disassemble the things that have hitched your daily movement and reassemble them so you can better recognize what hitched you in the first place.